Sunday, May 1, 2011
Heyyyyo. Today something bad happened. Well if u know me, then you'll know what happened. Parents found out that xxxxxxxxxxx. Well didn't expect that I'll have this day where I took a play into reality and my relationship with my parents are at it's worst now. My 'mum' cries non stop and my dad keep asking me to apologize blablabla. Dammit, if you wna know, why don't you come ask me? I'll be so glad to answer them. Tell you why I'm like this, how I became like this, what caused me to become like this, how I become like this, where did I learn from to be like this, who taught me whatever.
I'll tell you. I've lost hope in both of you my dear parents. I can trust y'all no more. I can believe y'all no more. I HAVE NO HOPE FOR Y'ALL. I have lost all my respect for you. There were times you could've made up, but situations just got worst. I can't Stand it anymore. Tolerated from 5 years old till now. 10 years, I believed and I trusted I loved my parents. But no, it's just bullshit. Yes, I know you still care about me. Because no matter what, I'm still ur daughter, right? You can't do anything. Because it jut happened this way. Parents, aren't you supposed to be teaching us the right things?
Why are you telling me that I'm useless? Why are you telling me that I'm stupid? Why are you telling me that I'm hopeless? Why are you saying that I have no use? WHY DO YOU TELL ME THAT YOU HATE ME? WHY? why do you want me to die?
I don't care whether they're words of anger or whatever. But it's true that these words came out of your mouth, and you meant it when you say it at that time then come to REGRET UR WORDS LATER. But hah, I knew it. You just regretted, but you meant it. Why did it took me so long to realise it?
I wished I was much stronger, I wished I had the courage to stand up for myself years back. I hate how low-esteemed I was. I hate the way people look at me.
I dislike the fact that you're my parents, I hate my fucking brother. All of you are just so bloody disgusting. You disgust me. I can't accept what is happening. But why am I keeping quiet? Why am I resisting and controlling my temper, when you just explode when and wherever you like? Why don't you find it disgracing when u mention these kinda stuff to other people? Why u so show off? WHY I HAVE A FAMILY LIKE THAT?
Y U NO ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?
This is just me, not smart, average person.
Why must you crush my self esteem and dignity to the lowest? Why do you want ur children to be smart?
Sometimes humans rlly don't understand how lucky they are. Compare yourself to me and I bet yours is so much better.
To me, contentment is just a simple family, having average studies, having 3 meals to eat. I'll be more than contented. Oh well you gain something and you lose something. I can tell you, YOUVE LOST ME FOREVER. I can never respect you again.
No, don't tell me how hard it is for you to live here. Don't tell me how you had me pregnant for 9 months. Don't tell me how hard is it when u were pregnant and had to walk 1km just to take mrt because u Wna save 50cents. Don't tell me you had to work very hard when I was in ur tummy. Don't tell me how u survived on eating beehoon or instant noodles everyday. Don't tell me how hard is it to give birth to me. Don't tell me how u said u took care of me till now. Don't tell me you were happy when u gave birth to me. Don't tell me how much it takes for you to b who u r today. Don't tell me Im a part of ur flesh. Don't tell me YOU LOVED ME
Because I'm afraid, my heart will soften and go all being a crybaby, thinking that I'm in the wrong ALL THE TIME and apologizing for everything that makes u upset.
I'm going the easy way, which is to give up. And to trust you both no more. I say I hate you. But I know deep down I still love you. But I don't wanna believe again. Enough of heart breaks. Enough of tears. You are not worth a single drop of my tear.
Go and pamper your only son, he'll be the best. He'll show you the world, AND I'LL JUST BRING U SHAME.
I can tolerate no more. I'm going to think for myself. I need to spare a thought for myself. I'm not useless, stupid, dumb. I'll prove to you someday.
Goodbye my dearest people.
From now onwards, I'm loving myself more.
Thank you friends, you make me feel like I'm not alone <3
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Not alone @ 10:39 PM
Heyyyyo. Today something bad happened. Well if u know me, then you'll know what happened. Parents found out that xxxxxxxxxxx. Well didn't expect that I'll have this day where I took a play into reality and my relationship with my parents are at it's worst now. My 'mum' cries non stop and my dad keep asking me to apologize blablabla. Dammit, if you wna know, why don't you come ask me? I'll be so glad to answer them. Tell you why I'm like this, how I became like this, what caused me to become like this, how I become like this, where did I learn from to be like this, who taught me whatever.
I'll tell you. I've lost hope in both of you my dear parents. I can trust y'all no more. I can believe y'all no more. I HAVE NO HOPE FOR Y'ALL. I have lost all my respect for you. There were times you could've made up, but situations just got worst. I can't Stand it anymore. Tolerated from 5 years old till now. 10 years, I believed and I trusted I loved my parents. But no, it's just bullshit. Yes, I know you still care about me. Because no matter what, I'm still ur daughter, right? You can't do anything. Because it jut happened this way. Parents, aren't you supposed to be teaching us the right things?
Why are you telling me that I'm useless? Why are you telling me that I'm stupid? Why are you telling me that I'm hopeless? Why are you saying that I have no use? WHY DO YOU TELL ME THAT YOU HATE ME? WHY? why do you want me to die?
I don't care whether they're words of anger or whatever. But it's true that these words came out of your mouth, and you meant it when you say it at that time then come to REGRET UR WORDS LATER. But hah, I knew it. You just regretted, but you meant it. Why did it took me so long to realise it?
I wished I was much stronger, I wished I had the courage to stand up for myself years back. I hate how low-esteemed I was. I hate the way people look at me.
I dislike the fact that you're my parents, I hate my fucking brother. All of you are just so bloody disgusting. You disgust me. I can't accept what is happening. But why am I keeping quiet? Why am I resisting and controlling my temper, when you just explode when and wherever you like? Why don't you find it disgracing when u mention these kinda stuff to other people? Why u so show off? WHY I HAVE A FAMILY LIKE THAT?
Y U NO ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?
This is just me, not smart, average person.
Why must you crush my self esteem and dignity to the lowest? Why do you want ur children to be smart?
Sometimes humans rlly don't understand how lucky they are. Compare yourself to me and I bet yours is so much better.
To me, contentment is just a simple family, having average studies, having 3 meals to eat. I'll be more than contented. Oh well you gain something and you lose something. I can tell you, YOUVE LOST ME FOREVER. I can never respect you again.
No, don't tell me how hard it is for you to live here. Don't tell me how you had me pregnant for 9 months. Don't tell me how hard is it when u were pregnant and had to walk 1km just to take mrt because u Wna save 50cents. Don't tell me you had to work very hard when I was in ur tummy. Don't tell me how u survived on eating beehoon or instant noodles everyday. Don't tell me how hard is it to give birth to me. Don't tell me how u said u took care of me till now. Don't tell me you were happy when u gave birth to me. Don't tell me how much it takes for you to b who u r today. Don't tell me Im a part of ur flesh. Don't tell me YOU LOVED ME
Because I'm afraid, my heart will soften and go all being a crybaby, thinking that I'm in the wrong ALL THE TIME and apologizing for everything that makes u upset.
I'm going the easy way, which is to give up. And to trust you both no more. I say I hate you. But I know deep down I still love you. But I don't wanna believe again. Enough of heart breaks. Enough of tears. You are not worth a single drop of my tear.
Go and pamper your only son, he'll be the best. He'll show you the world, AND I'LL JUST BRING U SHAME.
I can tolerate no more. I'm going to think for myself. I need to spare a thought for myself. I'm not useless, stupid, dumb. I'll prove to you someday.
Goodbye my dearest people.
From now onwards, I'm loving myself more.
Thank you friends, you make me feel like I'm not alone <3